mmmm…

today, i had a wonderful day.

more about today, tomorrow.

for now…naptime.

and i’m thinking about focus.

More notably, the part of the definition which reads: To concentrate attention or energy.

Over the past two years my life, our life, has changed rapidly and drastically…every plan ever made has flown out the window (well, almost every one), many hopes and dreams shattered by the reality of adulthood, a struggling economy, and inexperience…and while i could take this time to wholly reflect on that (read: whine), i’m choosing a different approach. one i’m finding to be a little more healthy and a little less annoying.

In our move to denver the question i was continually asked was “what are you going to do??”…that question terrified me.

While my stance at the time was one of the martyr (Micah was moving with a steady job. Micah didn’t have to worry about health insurance any more. Micah’s troubles were over {ha})…i’ve definitely since changed my tune.

While everyone else was focusing on what i was going to do, Micah kept asking “what do you want to do?”

Again, at the time, awashed in panic i felt he was being unreasonable…”REALLY?! WHAT DO I WANT TO DO?? I want to stay here, keep my amazing job, and continue my sweet schooling while being surrounded with everyone I love…but that’s just not in the cards, IS IT?! I’ll get some crappy retail job to support us while you continue to pursue your career…etc, etc…” and when i’d finally calmed my head down, i’d answer him reasonably, “i’d like to bake.”

So there we were…full momentum forward, soon-to-be Coloradans – Micah with an awesome job, sweet apartment, (and who knew it) an amazing city ahead of him & me with one goal, to bake.

Before arriving, despite the fact i had my sights set on a “food industry” job, i panicked. I knew we needed to have my steady income to survive and pay for our fancy apartment so i took the first job i could get (notice a theme of my puny little hands grasping for control). I’m not going to spend time going into that because it was a very dark period in my life, in our lives, and i’d really rather not revisit my psychotic first month of living here.

When the dust had settled from my frantic mistakes, constant level-headed support from both my husband, friends, and my family back home prevailed, and i was gainfully unemployed.

(but happy)

I began to bombard every bakery in town i had come to love in my short time in Denver, some better than others. Okay, some i had never heard of.

No response…well, one response…but i’d rather not go into that, either.

Going on nearly a month of unemployment i heard back from one of the non-bakery places i had applied. An amazing local spice shop in a really cool part of town, actually my first choice of places to work from my first visit to town. They offered me a part-time position which i was more than happy to take them up on. I was ready to work at a business i could really get behind and this one fit the bill. About a week after accepting the position i was called in for an interview at my number one bakery…shortly after, i was offered a two-day a week baker/retail position. I was over the moon. Not only had my entire situation turned around but i was working at both of my number 1 choice jobs!

Fast forward to now…one blissful month later.

Yesterday i was offered a full-time position at the spice shop. Benefits include a set schedule, better hours, eventual health insurance, and to be a full-fledged member of a team a i truly feel a part of. Negatives include having to decide between the shop and the bakery. whew.

Logic tells me to take it (spoiler alert: i did)…the gross feeling in the pit of my stomach tells me otherwise.

Here’s the thing, the whole reason i choose to work in the bakery is due to the fact i had to put my schooling on hold. The whole reason i put my schooling on hold was due to our move. The whole reason i have not sought out to continue my schooling in Denver is due to the price difference (basically $93/class vs. give or take a grand, $27k/year)…for something i’m not entirely sure i want to commit my life to. Here’s the other thing, i’ve never in my entire life been a “career driven” individual, i’ve always been “job driven.” I make it my priority to enjoy what i’m doing, whatever it is, while still being able to focus on what’s really important to me outside of work. It’s taken me several years to come to terms with the fact that I’m that way. Being surrounded by many career minded individuals (my husband, friends, etc) I’ve always let myself feel like I was less driven, less focused.

I’m so over that.

While it breaks my heart that i had to choose, especially with so little time spent at the bakery, i understand that this is the right thing to do and bottom line, i’m so (bittersweetly) excited.

Time to focus, on spices. On what it means to work for a locally owned, one of a kind (flagship store), focused shop. Time to focus on what this means for Micah and i. In our kitchen, it means we will be eating well, always. Almost everyday i come home from work excited to spend time in my kitchen, excited to create and experiment with new things, excited to plan meals and source our food locally from the vendors i meet on a daily basis. Truth be told, after working 4:30am-2:00pm at the bakery, my kitchen was the last place i wanted to be. In our new Denver lives it means continuing to meet great chefs who are doing amazing things in local restaurants we can’t wait to try, it means potential opportunities to stage (pronounce it the French way, with an “ahh” sound, look it up, it’s sweet!) beneath these chefs (back in the professional kitchen!), and best of all it means friendships not only with my amazing coworkers but also with the customers i am in awe of every day. In the immediate, it means a set schedule not too far off from Micah’s, and in the long-term it means insurance, 401k, and peace of mind.

This decision means focus and for my immediate future it means having direction, a little taste of stability, & time to spend on what truly matters to me.

yes.

With this focus comes a promise i’ve made to myself with regard to cooking/baking. I will not let myself become lazy, i will continue to push myself in the kitchen, i will continue to pursue what makes me happy on a smaller, more intimate level (just like before), only with better ingredients.

Many of my adventures i’m sure will show up here, many i can promise you, won’t.

Which brings me to today.

Tomorrow my husband is leaving me (gasp!) … for a little over a week. He’s going to ride his bike across the state of Iowa with several of his closest friends as well as hundreds of people he’s never met. In preparing for this mission he made it his goal to take along homemade energy bars (his reason: cost, my secret reason: homemade is so much better! tastier! healthier!…but he doesn’t know i think that. ha)

In running out of time, as his job has been taking advantage of his last few days before vacation, he asked me to make them for him. He gave me a recipe adapted by our friend Jonathan (also an avid cyclist) and it has filled our little home with the most delicious smell.

Healthy, Tasty Energy Bars (COOKIES!) Built for Biking

To begin, pre heat your oven to 350 degrees

then place all of these delicious ingredients in one big bowl & mix:

3/4 c. raw, local honey (it just tastes better)
3/4 nut butter of your choice (we used cashew butter, because i wanted leftovers)
1/2 c. wheat germ
3/4 c. milk (soy, dairy or rice)
1 tsp. baking soda
I tsp. organic ground cinnamon (vietnamese saigon cassia if you can get your hands on it, only the best for my baby)
2 c. organic rolled oats
1/2 c. whole wheat flour or brown rice flour
1 c. cranberries (or raisins or currants, etc, etc)
1 c. organic dark chocolate chips
1/4 c. flax seeds
1/2 c. almonds (sliced or whole – depending on your preference)
2 tbsp. sesame seeds
1/4 tsp. salt (i.e. to taste) (i used french fleur de sel, because i am obsessed)

it will look like this:

(yummy)

lightly grease a cookie sheet or cake pan, followed by spreading all of the deliciousness out in the pan making sure there are no holes

after that, bake for about 10-15 minutes rotating your pan halfway through baking
(it took a little longer here…altitude? gas oven? hmm…science.)

when done, your masterpiece will be golden brown, have the texture (& taste!) of a gigantic, tasty cookie, and your whole house will smell like heaven.

(“after” picture, looks like “before” picture, crappy camera phone.)

After cooling, cut to desired size. I’ve been told they freeze well however i doubt ours will ever touch the freezer as they will spend the next week sustaining my husband (who in all likelihood will be drinking more beers than eating healthy food) and helping him focus, eyes on the prize. okay, the “prize” is really just bragging rights, but whatever.

This recipe can definitely be adapted to preferences and makes a mighty tasty filling treat for any athlete (i like that word. athlete.)

p.s. This post has been brought to you by

(our new favorite milk in the whole world. holy cow (sorry), it’s delicious. never loved a milk like this before…f’real.)